The Power of Forgiveness

I have not ever really spoken much of my past, I guess I just figure it is best left where it is. I want to share a little bit, however, just to support my title. I was born into a mixed family. Mixed, as in, my mom had already been married and had a child previous. From there, three additional children were born to my mom and dad. Alcoholism ran rampant in our family, especially with my father's side. Anyone who has traveled that road can understand the circumstances surrounding such. Abuse occurred and was witnessed regularly, though we kids did not succomb to my knowledge. Neglect was a normal part of life, we played or slept in the pickup while whoever had responsibility for us was in the bar. Later my mom left with all of us kids, when she thought it might be safe to leave without being followed or found. My older brother had already gone to live with his dad. We moved quite a bit from then on, it began my third grade year. I moved back and forth from Mom to Dad and mom moved around a lot. The year I spent with my dad I recall sleeping in the car for a week because Dad forgot to pay the fuel bill and we had no wood to heat the stove. I cooked a lot that year and my little brother who was also with us spent a lot of time out of school fishing with Dad. When I lived with Mom she worked and went to school so I was responsible for us kids most of the time. I sometimes wonder if they don't resent me sometimes for the things that went on in that time, I would. At any rate, this was the pattern and my life going into high school followed that pattern as well. It was all I knew. I had seen different, but didn't understand it. I do not share these things in condemnation for what I went through then.

As a senior in high school an amazing guy, and our classmate, was killed in a car accident. Changed my life. I had been better friends most of my growing up years with the boy crowd than the girl crowd. Guess it was growing up with four brothers. (Mom had another boy the year I was in fifth grade.) At any rate, I happened to be good friends with a few of the guys in my class, but upon the death of our friend I realized that I felt more strongly about one person in particular than just friends. Because of this relationship I was introduced to "church people". The people that were called bible thumpers because, well I am not sure why. The people that went to church every Sunday, AND Wednesday too? Really? And, they read their bibles, every day? What was in there anyway? I had tried to read the little new testament I got from school and it was, as the bible states, "foolishness" to me, who was perishing. 1 Cor. 1:18. Well, the relationship continued, however, faltered, and crashed. At that time I had no where to turn but had built relationships through the church that led me to the One I could turn to. Everyone always says that becoming a Christian doesn't make life's problems go away, and that argument is correct, but it makes all the difference in the world when you have HOPE to sustain you. It sure makes them appear smaller. We were able to reconcile and regress over and over, the desire to sin was quelched, but my willpower did not overcome overnight. Things were still difficult for a long time. Five years and two children later we were married and I learned one word very quickly. Forgiveness. A very dear friend of mine reminded me that it may be necessary to forgive daily, moment by moment even. And so we get to the point of this post. Forgiveness. Do not let the sun go down when you are angry...We must forgive 70 times 7 times...Forgive and I will forgive you...All marriage advice centers around the idea of forgiving. But what about other relationships? Are we as quick to forgive. What about when we were wronged, must we forgive then?

My Dad was in and out of my life for the rest of my growing up years and for a long time I resented that he didn't care to be a part of it. Not his grandkids, not me, not his own mom, nothing. I think now, it was more out of conviction or fear that he stayed away. When he returned, dying of cancer, I readily forgave. I didn't even have to think about it. I was so grateful that he was in my life again, even for a short while. There have been situations that have tested my ability to forgive. We lost a baby this spring. While my husband struggled to forgive the God we both love, I struggled and struggle still, to forgive myself. I have had the unthinkable happen recently in my life and I struggle to forgive myself and others who did not prevent it from happening in the first place. Every day we meet with situations that will test our ability to forgive, but what does that ability stem from? Faith. Trust. In a God who knows all things and knows and allows that what is best for the path that He has chosen to take us down. Can we trust that even though it doesn't appear to us to be what was best for us, God knows? Can we have faith that says I will follow where you lead, even though it doesn't look appealing to me? God asks you to take his hand, find comfort in his arms, trust and follow. Blessed are the peaceMAKERS. Keeping peace requires no action on our part, only INaction. Being able to be a peaceMAKER requires action. It requires forgiveness and reconciliation. As a wife I find myself feeling as if this is also how I am to follow my husband. As I follow Jesus. By trusting and wielding to his leading, even when it doesn't make sense to me and everything inside of me says NO! It has paid off so far. FORGIVENESS...what a load taken off, even when it is not extended to us in return. Joseph got it right. His father asked him to forgive the sins of his brothers. He had every right to be angry, to hold grudges, but he CHOSE forgiveness. Just as our relationship with Christ begins with forgiveness, every relationship we hold dear to us balances on the ability to forgive.