When I am feeling down like I am today, and let myself wallow I think back on the last three years and think to myself, "How can a person be expected to be in good spirits when they have had to say good bye to a baby brother, two grandparents, a dad and two babies in the space of little over three years, among other hardships and trials?"
I say to you now, one day on earth brings me ever closer to seeing those loved ones who now reside with Jesus in heaven. That is something to find joy in, right? I can come up with more if I look. I am writing today because I want someone to hear my words and I don't do very well at voicing them out loud. I recently was downhearted to hear the news of someone I love dearly having potential health issues. But I am and was hopeful for renewed health and good news from doctors after tests and additional appointments. What really gets me down is the loss of HOPE and JOY. Letting go of FAITH and giving in to hopelessness.
I had done that recently. After our second miscarriage in a year. But I hadn't realized it until this scenario: A day after the last snow storm one of our daughter's baby goats that she nursed through the storm disappeared. It was a terribly windy and stormy day yet, but no significant snow or precip, just cold and windy. We looked EVERYWHERE for that little blip of white and for the next day, but nothing. I had given it up to being taken by a predator. My daughter was more than distraught, she also was wondering where God was and questioning her own faith. I could see it before this incidence, after our loss less than a month earlier. I contacted several sisters in faith whom I knew would pray sincerely for the return of this goat and for the restoration of my daughter's HOPE and FAITH, not realizing the results would also restore my own. Reading this now, I realized that little baby goat, my daughter's hope and faith, and my own, were restored exactly a month to the day after our own baby was physically taken from us and I was miraculously restored to my own family. My husband found the goat two days after she disappeared while he was feeding cows. She had somehow gotten stuck in the hay bales and couldn't find her way back out. We had prayed specifically for the return of that goat and I never dreamed that it would actually happen. I was wowed, I was humbled and I was reminded again that His ways are not our ways.
So what do I have to say to this person whom I feel has just accepted bad news as the worst? Where is your belief? God can do remarkably more than we can ask or imagine, do you believe He will? I could continue to wallow in self pity and let it drag me down, and that is exactly what it will do. It will bring everyone close to me down with it if I allow it. God will do what He will do and bring about His will without our help. He could have chosen to take me home one month ago. We could have left an hour later and it may have been too late, but I beg to differ, were it His will to spare me, the bleeding just would have begun even later. I could go back and change all of the what if's and God's will would still have been accomplished. I accept it, will you? While giving thanks in all circumstances and seeking even now to do His will? Our prayer is that we will have years yet before we have to tell you good-bye. We are going to pray specifically for restored health and time, will you, and believe that God will?
I am not trying to promote the idea that we can use prayer as a santa wish list. I know well that it is not. Sometimes God's will is not our own, but I do believe that too often we don't trust God for what we believe. Do we really believe He can accomplish the things we pray for? Do we really believe that God loves us and cares even about the little blip we are in a so much bigger picture? Because of one little snow white goat, I do, and I hope you can as well.
